Raise a little hell.

Well, I kind of did. I personally do not wish to talk about today. It’s very bitter-sweet in a more extreme way.

I’ll just say this: One more word of pills… and I’LL KILL YOU ALL!

-HolyJunkie.

If I ever got into the Big Movie Biz, the first movie I would make would be a combination between a Kung Fu flick, and a Zombie film. Kung Fu in a zombie apocalypse.

I already have the story ideas out in my head… Well, action scenes, I mean.

I’ve got a number of other basic stories that I got out of dreams. I wouldn’t make them into movies NOW, per say. They currently suck tremendously as it is. I need to do some real story editing before I get to it.

These days, I’ve been slowly distancing myself from friends and such. Normally this would be a problem for other people, but for me it seems like something natural.

Promises to hang out unkept, work to do, plans for school and the future, kung fu, continuing my escapism from the dreads of everyday life

After talking to my friend about the death of his father, I’ve been wondering what mental damage could be done if my own dad kicked the bucket. I certainly can’t imagine it. I’ve lost a number of relatives whom were close, potentially close, or generally indirectly close to me. Every time seems to desensitize me further and further.

Grandfather before I was born, Uncle, grandmother, first dog, the cat, and soon my other grandparents.

My own family is healthy and well-off… sort of. We’re kind of tight in what we’ve got, but we just need to pull through, make no mistakes, and we’ll be prosperous.

Too bad I’m a fucking hindrance with no ideas on what to take up as a permanent career. I don’t plan on being an artist, as I prefer that as a hobby more than a career. I could be an author, but I tend to lack the patience for it… and I’ll eventually run dry of ideas. I could do graphical designs for video games, but there’s so many companies to choose from. Each of whom use software I don’t have access to.

My main plan is to try to get into filmmaking. Quentin Tarantino movies are few and far in between (I could only name three of them right now… but that’s because I’ve yet to watch any Tarantino movies…) and we’ve got Michael Bay tripe getting cranked out alongside the Twishite series.

Once I get a black belt, it will look damn good on a resume. Considering physical fitness, I could also probably take up jobs as a motion capture model or something.

That’s still a few years away.

A black belt is a symbol of strength, discipline, and leadership capability. All three are things a director would need to be a good director. Considering I can understand the limits of the human body, I could also work as a choreographer… Well… not right NOW, per say.

I just need time for Pete’s sakes. This rent tripe is just slowing me down and putting unnecessary shit on my mind where it doesn’t belong.

I’m not a fan of society. I’m not a fan of money. I wouldn’t actually go out to destroy them, but if both society and money burned away, I’d be pretty fucking glad.

Personally, I think we should just concentrate on getting that moon colonized, and later Mars. Once we’ve got three heavenly bodies taken over, THEN we can start worrying about this measly kind of shit.

The sooner we get to building faster-than-light travel, the better-off we’ll be.

Either that, or just make me into a sentient android.

-HolyJunkie.

Ugh…

Pills… Here…

Need caffeine or something, seriously.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night, and I ended up being too tired to get up when I needed to. IE: before going to work. Long story short: I didn’t go to work. I was kind of feeling like shit anyway. Even now, I feel crappy. Worst part is: I’ve no idea why I couldn’t sleep last night.

Looking down on my desk, I see my “Two-disc Ultimate Edition” of “Born To Fight.” It is a movie that I have learned to despise over the years. It’s worst than any Michael Bay epic I’ve ever seen. Although I haven’t seen Transformers 2 yet.

I should send word of this movie to MovieBob. Maybe he’ll get a good load of rage from watching this pile of crap.

Granted, I’ll just say that I’ve actually written something that turned out WORSE than this, but at least I stuffed it into the darkest corners of my hard drive, never to be found again. I didn’t figure “This is a damn good movie idea! I’m going to blow a good few millions n’ shiz to make this a super-epic action flick!”

But anyway, the reason it’s right here on my desk, and not up in my movie shelf collecting dust is because I’m going to make a video review on the thing, kind of in the same style that Spoony usually does.

No, not a simple Vlog with me talking to a camera for fifty minutes. I’d do editing, show clips of the movie, riff on it if possible, point out the TRUCKLOADS of flaws, mistakes, plotholes, and just-plain-stupid crap.

Even thinking about it is starting to piss me off, so I’ll just get to a different subject.

Anyone ever check out Jon CJG’s blog recently? Part of me says that it’s just another stunt to try to get people to sympathize with him.

Then again, that same part of me says the same for EVERYBODY ON THE CELEBRITY GRID. Hell, maybe even myself. What with talking about Jakob and his list of “actresses he’d love to see topless.”

But yeah. Drugs? I detest that shit. I’ve been depressed a fair number of times, but turning a little sociopathic has almost given the side effect of becoming impossible to depress.

Well, save for being utterly disappointed in humanity, but that only happens with utterly putrid movies and games and such.

By the way, there’s another Asian movie that I saw a trailer for before watching Born To Fight. The title kind of translates to “The Host,” but I sure as hell know that it isn’t that Stephanie Meyer book.

For one, it’s already out. For two, it’s based in Thailand… again. For three, the movie actually seems damn interesting. Although I couldn’t tell if it was supposed to be a comedy or a monster-horror movie. There’s funny shit in the trailer, but it’s generally trying to be scary, especially with the quotes saying “On Par with Jaws” and such.

I personally didn’t like Jaws, but the cinematography made me watch it to the end. If they would copy the cinematography that Steven Spielberg mastered, then maybe this movie would be worth a watch.

… Then again, kung fu is passed through training and copying the techniques off of the master. Loads of martial arts was developed over there, so maybe they’re masters at copying stuff.

There’s this other movie with Jet Li, called “Fearless.” I’ll be honest here: Visually, it looks a lot like Ip Man. I almost thought that the two movies were under the same director, whom already tried making movies with the Auteur Theory tripe.

Auteur Theory. I detest that, to be honest. Any real storyteller worth his or her salt would be able to tell two different stories in completely different ways with absolutely no similarities. Sure you could call that schizophrenia, but look at that one guy depicted in “A Beautiful Mind.” He got a funking Nobel Prize despite his mental condition!

And he also got the pens of every Nobel Prize winner in a room. I’m not sure which is cooler, getting a plaque of awesome, or getting a crapload of pens and pencils.

… I’m reading back through this post, and it just occurred to me that while I write loads of stuff sometimes, I can’t hold a conversation worth a damn in real life. My mind becomes a complete blank before, during, and after my turn in saying something.

All I’ve got is “Wait for some opportunity, say something witty, hope for laughter, repeat step 1.”

Maybe it’s because I dislike having to rely on my ow dialogue as much. I’m more like a guy who would watch silent movies or kung fu flicks, where it’s almost entirely physical action, comedy, storytelling and such.

There’s this other movie I mentioned before, called “The Prodigal Son.” It has dialogue humour, and then it has physical humour that makes my laugh hysterically. Although the plot itself was full of holes and the kung fu actually kind of sucked.

I really shouldn’t blame it. At the time, Wing Chun was a deadly form that was still generally being kept a secret. All the movie did was subtly discussing some Wing Chun history, and showing a few basic techniques and a few sets on the Wooden Dummy.

That’s it. Really!

It then went to “Improvise Hell.”

Okay… what else…?

Clint Eastwood needs more recognition. Sure he got it back when the Westerns were High N’ Mighty, but he still deserves it. I haven’t seen Gran Tarino yet, but if there’s one thing I seriously respect the guy for, it’s how he can show you what kind of character his characters are in very subtle, but powerful ways.

In The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, he visually showed who was the good, the bad, and the ugly. That South Korean knock-off I reviewed earlier (Oddly enough, I still laugh at that Shanghai Noodle Western joke. Call me a retard.) saw that same visual storytelling and applied it to its own characters, which I actually liked.

In the Unforgiven, the only written backstory given to the main character was that he was once a criminal, but he then fell in love and gave up crime. When his wife suddenly died, he became depressed. Clint Eastwood showed the guy as a hardened man whom had a difficult past, made easy through love, and then he lost that love with death. He’s now an old man of sorts. A cranky old man. Kind of like Carl from Pixar’s Up, except he runs a pig farm and actually has a criminal record.

When he takes up his coat and hat to try to make money, he looked like he didn’t want to enjoy what he was doing.

The Sheriff of the town is a complete jackass. It was never said that he was a jackass, but his subtle, authoritative attitude, the camera angles, and the reactions of other people in his presence showed us that the guy was a jackass.

And then there’s Morgan Freeman, whom didn’t do any narrating for once. I won’t get into that.

Point is, Clint Eastwood knew how to show characters through anything but dialogue. As for myself and Unexpected, I kind of have no choice but to use dialogue.

Best thing to do in that situation is to have natural conversation… Which is one reason why I’m not exactly proud of
Episode 3. The conversation in the first scene didn’t sound natural enough to me. Maybe it’ll pique the interests of others, but I personally am not fully proud of it.

In fact, the beginning four episodes were the toughest to write, because I had to try to keep it as solid as possible, try to get rid of early plotholes. The episodes after that were smooth sailing.

… Westerns need new silver screen vibe. Horror movies need to cut it out.

Wait, check that. The SAW series needs to cut it out. One day I hear there’s suddenly a SAW 4, then an apparent week later, there’s a SAW 5. A few months after that, I hear about development on SAW Funking 6!

(Sure it could’ve been longer, but it SEEMED like a frickin’ week!)

Right, right… Where was I? Oh yeah. Jon CJG’s story of woe, drinking, anti-depressants, and that crap about the DHS crap he just went through.

I personally cannot sympathize over the Homeland Security crap, as I’ve yet to actually buy a ticket, let alone board a plane.

Wait, check that. I have been on a plane, but it was a private one while visiting some relatives, and it never took off. It was bloody cramped.

But my point is: I’ve only been to an airport once, and that one time was waiting for my mother to return from a visit from… I don’t remember.

Still, I’ve heard countless stories on how Airport security is sometimes filled with assholes who act like jackasshole… asses… Screw it. But three hours interrogating a guy coming from Canada? What? Does he have a bomb? Does he have drugs? Does he have toothpaste or pocketknives? Does probing one’s ass take three hours?

I mean, sure it’s for anti-terrorist measures, but don’t you think probing the ass of an old wheel chair-bound woman would be able to put up the strength to discreetly roll to the cockpit and efficiently pull a knife on both the pilot and co-pilot? Wheelchair. One push-kick to the shin and the pilots are fucking safe!

Heck, the stories are kind of reminding me of that one Police Chief character from Wrongfully Accused. (with Leslie Nielson.) You’ll know it when you see him giving orders. That movie’s just too good to pass by.

… Okay, my rambling well just ran dry. I’ll get back to what I was doing.

-HolyJunkie.

While at work, I injured myself three times. Amongst the three, I was trying to catch a bag of H-clips, but one of them slashed me across the wrist. It was nothing serious, but it certainly made me wonder:

How the FUCK do Emos enjoy this shit? Why the FUCK do Emos do this shit to themselves?

This is annoying as [INSERT CLUSTER F-BOMB HERE]!!!!!

Anyway, I pushed through despite the failures on my part, and got paid today. I plan to cash in tomorrow.

I also played a load of Nazi Zombies, and I’m ending it off with watching Wall-E again.

ALSO, in case people haven’t seen that one interview on some talk show, it turns out that Robin Williams is a pretty hardcore gamer.

… I should play with him sometime or something. Would be pretty cool to play with someone who can do impersonations really damn well.

But that’s enough of today. Lets talk about that one party.

—

The party by itself was good. I enjoyed myself. Played ODST, danced to music… while tipsy.

Oddly enough, I did damn well anyway. Maybe it’s because I sobered up pretty quickly. After watching a rather corrupted “Enter the Matrix,” I went to sleep.

It was at that point that I learned that someone stole my fucking pillow. The day after involved me with a stiff neck and a headache. It wasn’t a hangover. I was just left tired with a lack of sleep and A FUCKING STIFF NECK!

Needless to say, I was pissed.

Oh yeah, I also got to watch a bit of playing of Persona 3. While I like the kick-ass robots, I found the voice acting to be boring and/or unfitting for the situation. Oh yeah, there’s so much crap from the earlier games that were merely mentioned in the dialogue. Sure you could discuss them in the conversation in the game, but that would be just two guys telling each other something that they both already know.

Oh yeah, it’s got cutscenes that could almost rival Metal Gear Solid 4… Except unlike this game, MGS4 actually had some cinematography aspects. So while it was still a wall of dialogue, it was at least more like a film than some novel where you can only read a line by pressing a button, rather than read it all at once.

Oh wait, there were TWO seperate cutscenes, divided by a later-proven-completely-batshit-useless battle sequence… which was piss-easy even for the standards of a guy like myself- IE: a non-Persona player.

In fact, all the battle did was force the second part of the cutscene to drag out EVEN LONGER than it already was with even more useless dialogue.

Although I’ll admit. The dialogue that WAS there seemed natural-sounding. Too bad the voice actors weren’t top-notch. Seriously, some Machinima voice actors who do it for nothing do better than the best Persona 3 had.

To top it off, I’ve got absolutely NO clue on how the hell the Persona world worked. Could’ve helped to recap in the beginning of 3… Then again, seeing how BLOODY LONG the cutscene(s) were, maybe it could’ve done without the re-cap.

I mean, after all: Only Persona fans would play The second installment, let alone the THIRD.

There are certain RPGs that I could actually get into. But if it’s all “Press X, watch a cutscene, do a lame battle, repeat Step 1,” then it gets flippin’ boring.

Tales of Symphonia did it differently. For one, the combat system was more fast-paced, and I enjoyed it. Cutscenes were not only as long, but they could be skimmed-through at great speeds.

… Really.

So yeah, I’m not liking Persona that much on a first-glance.

And seriously, why the hell is Metis not pronounced properly? Maybe the Japanese never learned about some Manitoba history.

Still, despite the fact that my friends were saying it’s pronounced “Meh-tiss,” I still call shenanigans.

… Oh yeah, despite being “sisters,” they A: are robots and technically shouldn’t have blood relatives, and B: DON’T LOOK A BLOOMIN’ THING LIKE EACH OTHER!

Okay. Enough ranting. Although after having my pillow stolen from me, resulting in a not-so-enjoyable Sunday, I feel like I needed the rant anyway.

—

I’ve been thinking about the process of film-making. I think a director needs to think more like an honest-to-goodness film critic, or at least take great consideration into the different kinds of angles and shots one can make with a camera.

I personally find Auteur Theory to be a waste of time, and those trying to make themselves an Auteur is just making their movies seem more like “If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” kind of thing.

I’d RATHER have films by one guy have their differences in style. It’s like a visual artist drawing anime pictures and then suddenly going into Cubism painting, and later into dot-drawing, and then going into nature-based photography.

There’s variety, and that makes one a director that people will give a shit more often about.

Michael Bay, however, has a serious hard-on for camera shots that go into a setting sun, American propaganda, lens flare, and shaky cameras.

Seriously, if you remove those things and actually try to show your movie’s visual story, you’d take every critic on the internet off-guard. They’d probably start thinking “Maybe there’s hope for the guy.”

Speaking of something related, I found a piece of paper on my desk. It was something written by Jakob, titled “Hollywood Actresses I’d love to see Topless.” I’ll be honest: it seemed more dignified when I read it.

He must have forgotten about it, though, since it was completely empty… and left on my desk.

Anyway, I would make my own list, but the only one I could think of is Natalie Portman, since she did a damn good job in the V for Vendetta movie. I also noticed that she was in one of the shorts in Paris Je T’aime.

Oh yeah, she’s also an actual actress. That’s kind of the key word in the title; “ACTRESS.” As in women who can act.

In an unrelated, un-gay note, I also later found a list dropped on the floor, titled “Hollywood Actors I’d love to see Topless” ALSO by Jakob.

It makes me wonder if he’s really into celibacy or not. Maybe he’s just fucking with everyone… and me.

Anyway, good night.

-HJ.

See? That’s what I’m talking about.

Don’t blame me. It’s Pink Floyd. The Wall itself was a story told in an awesome way.

Unexpected by itself is rolling along just fine. I finished the whole story, and for the most part: the script. That’s not to say that edits to the script will be uncommon… It will be common.

The problems I find when I review episodes is usually stuff that could’ve been averted entirely if I had been more specific in how the dialogue should’ve been said.

As such, I will need to do serious editing to the script in general.

By the way, did anyone know that I’ve been doing some voice acting? It’s true! I actually suck too! You can check two videos here and here.

Go ahead, leave comments and such. Please leave constructive criticism so we can actually take you seriously.

Seriously, I wrote four comments back-to-back regarding that Arby N The Chief in LA crap, detailing the number of flaws that were in the series. I rated it based on how well it can stand up by itself rather than how much of a fan-wank-fest it was trying to be.

Suffice to say, it actually kind of sucks. At least I put down some constructive criticism. Hopefully the new crew working on that doesn’t pull a Meyer and just rave about how cool they are and how awesome their works are, despite the fact that it was actually pretty shitty.

I need to make a music video machinima… A number of them, actually. I have a couple of songs that I want to make into Machinima music videos.

I even have the software for it… Too bad my capture card isn’t exactly high-def. It’s decent def, but not high…

Kind of depressing. Hopefully my bro somehow picks up one for use on the macbooks. That way, I won’t have to record on the PC, compress them, and transfer them and thus ruin the raw footage with the compression. I’d rather have the raw stuff right on the macbook.

… Okay, what else to talk about…

Oh yeah, Up Review… still haven’t written that yet. Main reason: Pixar kicks the ass out of almost every movie out there. What exactly can I talk about apart from continuous praise?

Besides, everyone knows Pixar. Everyone loves Pixar. My opinion wouldn’t do jack-squat.

I’ll still do a review, since I like writing reviews. I just don’t think this review wouldn’t be that interesting a read because it’ll no-doubt have me praising Pixar for just how bloody awesome they are.

AND THEY ARE!

Speaking of which, I haven’t made many movies recently because of work, kung fu, machinima, and generally trying to keep myself well-rested. Of course, you already know that if you’ve read my recent posts. Almost any “HJ Journal” post ends up having a reminder like this.

PILLS!

Right, I’ll just get to whatever I was doing.

-HolyJunkie.

Left 4 Dead [to me] started off as a teaser from the Orange Box that I was very skeptic about- but was very quickly proven wrong.

Left 4 Dead was an amazingly fun Co-Op game that maintained a fast-paced FPS, while concentrating intently on cooperation between other players against other players or bots.

It was a good mix that was just plain kick-ass.

Left 4 Dead 2 should be able to do the same thing, except improved. Correct?

Wrong.

…

I’m just kidding.

Left 4 Dead 2 did just that. It maintained the same kind of system, except improved on every single aspect. They added so much new stuff, and updated so much old stuff that it couldn’t have worked out as some bloody update to the original engine.

And at that, I’m calling out the Left 4 Dead Boycott groups for being retards. So much went into making Left 4 Dead 2 that it couldn’t have been a simple update. If it was, you’d have to take a huge download that would ultimately take longer and be more disorganized than if you simply make it a new game in general.

Besides, Valve needs to make money too. Half-Life 2: Episode 3’s certainly not going to come out anytime soon. Team Fortress 2’s certainly not getting a sequel anytime soon- if ever. I mean, especially since it took 9 years to make Team Fortress 2.

I’m still not sure if there’ll be a Portal 2 or not. So what does Valve have that it calls its own?

Well, Left 4 Dead- of course. And just about anything that runs with the Source Engine, but who am I to complain?

Everyone wants to make money. Accept that.

I digress. I’ll start going over what Left 4 Dead 2 has over Left 4 Dead 1.

—

WEAPONS

This one’s the most obvious. Even at the start of a campaign, you already have a wider variety of weapons. Two kinds of pump shotguns, two kinds of SMGs, and Melee weapons.

Melee weapons are the biggest thing. I’ll just run it all down.

All Melee weapons do basically the same thing. It’s just personal feeling that puts them apart. Some people will find that they enjoy a nightstick over- say- a machete. Or a frying pan, or a fire ax, or a baseball bat.

Personally, I prefer the cricket bat, chainsaw, and katana. Even then, I’d switch either for the Deagle.

Yes, in addition to the regular 9mm pistols you can get, you can get a high-calibre magnum pistol.

I also worked with each of the weapons long enough to be able to tell the subtle differences in how they play. I learned that I had this kind of skill with Super Smash Brothers Brawl- and it’s also the same way I found Ike to be a stupid character- used only by opportunists.

Anyway, the next level of weapons up from the SMGs and pump shotguns are the automatic shotguns (two of them) sniper rifles (two of them) and assault rifles (three of them)

Up from there is the Grenade Launcher. That’s really about it, but the sheer number of weapons is a boatload more than the first Left 4 Dead.

Nine melee weapons- if you include that one pre-order bonus “The baseball bat.” Two SMGs, two pump shotguns, two auto-shotguns, two sniper rifles, three assault rifles, and from there you have the OTHER equipment.

Molotovs and pipe bombs make a triumphant return, but then you have the “Boomer Bile Jars” which work like pipe bombs, except they don’t blow up, and instead attract zombies for a longer time.

A bonus with the bile is that if you actually strike zombies with it, every zombie will be attracted to the bile-covered zombie.

Works wonders against Tanks, I’d say.

The first-aid kit returns, of course, but there’s more than just first-aid. There are Defibrillators, which can be used to revive a dead comrade if a closet is nowhere near. There are also ammunition packs- which can be deployed to give your team a one-use extra magazine of special ammunition. Explosive rounds- which stun Special Zombies, and Incendiary rounds- which set zombies on fire.

Lastly, you have Pills, and Adrenaline shots. The shots themselves don’t heal as much as the pills, but they make up for it by giving you a temporary speed boost, allowing you to heal, revive, and run faster. The temporary effects are actually pretty short. So use them wisely.

Same thing goes with all the other stuff that you get. Even though Valve has made far more flexible (and beautiful) campaign maps, the AI Director also got a serious juice-up.

Yahtzee has said that the first Left 4 Dead kept the difficulty half-way up the curve and stayed there forever. In THIS game, the difficulty curve camp is actually higher up!

There are points where the zombies just never stop coming unless you achieve an objective. Those points are incredibly fun, but can be frustrating if all you have on your team are bots, or players whom act in a similar, retarded way.

The AI isn’t that bad in the bots of your comrades. They still do the same stuff you’d expect them to do. They just don’t have the same “strategic depth” as other players would. My main concern is their trustworthiness with first-aid kits… and healing me even though I just used some pills to keep me going.

I heard that the same problem was present in Resident Evil 5… But unlike Resident Evil 5, I found that Left 4 Dead 2 had an interesting plot.

Yes. I did go there. Left 4 Dead actually DOES have a plot. It’s just kept on the sidelines, or put into visuals, or in areas where you get a break from the countless hordes of undead fuckers that you plow through while barely surviving in an epic way.

Four unlucky bastards in the world- whom seem a lot more like everyday people than the “too unique” cast of Left 4 Dead 1- are trying to make their way to New Orleans- so they could board the last evacuation chopper in the US of A. Their entire escapade started on the rooftop of a damn nice apartment building in a city that wasn’t New Orleans.

I first started with the beginning, and the first thing I noticed was that we didn’t get primary weapons. All that was on the table were a bunch of melee weapons and pistols.

I thought “Huh! This is new!”

Which is right! The spawn system for items is a crapload more varied, and it inspired me to REALLY look through every nook and cranny I could before zombies started to eat my ass off.

Pills, shots, first-aid, defibs, pistols, melee weapons, deployable bullet cases, the works!

And it felt a lot more atmospheric.

Atmosphere. That’s what makes Left 4 Dead 2 easily in one of my top games. Sure you could set up a “zombie-killing” franchise, but the challenge is ramped up compared to the first Left 4 Dead. Even with a shotgun, you’re liable at getting your ass kicked.

Especially when Realism Mode enabled.

People have been wondering what Realism is about. It’s basically these put into effect:

• The Witch kills instantly, no matter the difficulty.
• Zombies are more resistant to damage- making their heads the place to shoot to kill them easily with little ammo used.
• there are no glowing outlines to show where your allies are, or if they’re under attack or anything. The only exceptions are the ammo placement in the Plantation, the white outlines indicating an item right in front of you, and objective-related items.

That’s about it, but the difference it makes is incredible. Consider the original Left 4 Dead 2 difficulty, and ramp it up by another 25%.

It’s a tough game- even with fellow players. I’m talking about Normal difficulty here. Imagine Advanced and Expert!

But the fact that it’s a tough game adds to charm. It gives you a reason to be glad that you beat it. It gives you incentive to do it all over again.

I, for one, commend Valve on another good game, and I would like the boycott groups who STILL demand that Left 4 Dead 2 be just free downloadable content to eat their own shorts.

Seriously. Everything’s been updated, even the code. You can’t exactly put that in a simple download-able update.

Okay… Characters.

Nick- a conman guy whom- using the cover of the zombie apocalypse- obtained a nice white suit. He’s a bit of an ass, but he’s damn good at “I am NOT going to die” monologues. In a movie, he’d be the jackass who redeems himself in the end.

Coach- The Louis of the game, except he’s not Louis. He’s also a big man. In a movie, he’d be the mentor guy who kicks ass.

Rochelle- Zoey, minus the Cortana voice… and thus not as epic. Her pink shirt makes her easily noticeable in a crowd of zombies. Movie position is obvious. In fact, Rochelle kind of reminds me of the chick from 28 Days Later- a movie I liked over 28 Weeks Later.

Ellis- The biggest bad-ass in history. I’ll let you think on that. If these four guys were in an actual zombie movie, Ellis would be the boy wonder that everyone loves to watch kick ass and talk. The Protagonist, I’d think.

These characters are ordinary people, but at the same time, they’re unique in their own ways. They’re no Green Beret soldiers, or Bikers, or zombie flick-obsessed Cortanas. They’re just people who had nothing but the shirts on their back when the zombie virus broke out.

Characters are more like people you could relate to, the code is improved, the weapons and equipment are more plentiful, the plot is more involved, the campaigns are FAR more exciting, and atmosphere is improved with the fact that the AI Director can actually control the frickin’ WEATHER.

I’m not kidding. He can do that now. Sure it’s for certain campaigns where the weather becomes a gameplay aspect, but shut up. He can still control the fucking weather.

The AI Director just took a step up from his original status from “God as a jerk” to “God as a bad-ass.”

Now don’t get me wrong. This game’s tough at times, but it’s not impossible. Even at the tough parts, it’s incredibly fun. Our failures in fighting the horde are merely our own fault.

… Unless a certain gnome is involved…

…

…

…

-HolyJunkie.

Fair warning for the titles of later posts: Pink Floyd lyrics. Not me. So shut up about political correctness. Pink Floyd is awesome.

I’ve been playing Left 4 Dead 2 a lot, and I’ve done enough stuff to come up with a pretty ample review.

In fact, I’ll write it right after this post.

As for life, I’ve got lots of tripe to do. Cleaning the shop, cleaning the room, reorganizing the room, working with Dad, and helping a friend with a project- if I can manage to do that anyway.

Oh yeah, and other stuff that no reader of any caliber would give a crap about. That basically sums up everything I mentioned earlier.

Seriously. I TOTALLY EXPECT PEOPLE TO CARE ABOUT MY LIFE! IT’S FLIPPIN’ CRAZY! I HAD TO KILL TEN WITCHES IN A SINGLE LEVEL!

… I’M SERIOUSLY NOT JOKING!

No really, I actually DID have to kill ten witches in a single frickin’ level. Fortunately, I had a chainsaw.

-HolyJunkie.

I did some serious reorganizing of the bedroom with the semi-decent help of my brother- whom seemed to find that watching Youtube Poop was better than helping to give off a better Chi flow in the room.

Yeah, I mentioned Feng Shui.

Personally, I’m one of those guys who’s on the fence. I can see what they’re saying about Fung Shui, and sure it does work to make a room look and feel better, but to go so far as to majorly influence how famous you’ll get? Or how rich you’ll get? That’s a point where I side with the skeptics.

But I personally find that it feels and looks better this way. I also don’t really understand why it’s being called “A serious science.”

Then again, martial arts has been considered a “serious science” when it’s all about the flow of energy (Chi) and utilizing it as a form of self-defense/ass-kicking device.

I’m also reading and watching some LPs, including one of Dirge of Cerberus- one which I seemed to enjoy more than the LPer.

Why is that? Well, I didn’t play the original Final Fantasy VII, so I didn’t have much of a choice but to not give a shit about any of the characters. I’ll admit: the cutscenes in Dirge were tedious and boring without the knowledge one would need with Final Fantasy VII.

But otherwise, it was fun… At least until the last level- which became piss-easy that it wasn’t even funny.

Anyway, the other LP I’m watching is the Infamous Sonic The Hedgehog (2006) Let’s Play, starring four guys who ordered from a Chinese food place.

I’m on Video… 5 or 6, I believe.

Let’s Plays are fun to watch, and maybe fun-ner to make. I personally don’t have a full-fledged system on recording, but since my reorganizing of the room, maybe LPs will start getting easier.

I also have another Machinima idea; more a Mini-series than anything. Nothing as big as Unexpected. I’m more expecting it to be a good few episodes or so. Maybe five or six? It depends on how much I get around to.

I’m hoping to not get too carried away.

Prepare to have a reason to lynch me in the future, if I’m ever at a future gaming convention that celebrates good game stories and plots in general.

…

I’ve never played Psychonauts.

However, seeing Brutal Legend and playing through it for a bit, I’m actually planning out my next Xbox Live Arcade purchase.

It’s a good game, I’ll say that. But to be honest, it could’ve been better. It could’ve shown me more on what I was supposed to do. I’ll get into that in a second.

In the videos and demo that I’ve seen, I was thinking that this would’ve been a more humorous Legend Of Zelda game, except based around Heavy Metal, starring Jack Black- a non-silent Protagonist named Eddie Riggs- whom is the Best Roadie EVAR.

Said Best Roadie EVAR suffers an accident while saving the show, involving a set falling on him, and he gets transported to the World of Metal.

There, he obtains tools of awesome to obliterate the servants of Rap-Metal, Pop-Metal, Screamo, and Death-Metal. All of which inferior to the awesomeness that is just plain ol’ Metal and Rock.

Seriously. Why do you need to add a Rap gimmick, or Pop gimmick, or make you sound as angry or angsty as you can get. Metallica had the right stuff. Ozzy Osbourne had the right stuff.

Although I do recall that the singer in Protest The Hero, despite doing screamo, is fucking BEAST when it comes to actual vocals. He’s got a Voice Box of Steel there!

Even so, Metal and Rock is the Good Guys, and everything else that ultimately sucks is the bad guy. Remember that now.

You kick the ass out of crappy sub-genres, for the great justice of the good genres. How can you go wrong?

Well… apart from the fact that I was a little disappointed.

Yes, you can do that Legend of Zelda adventuring stuff, but the story mainly revolves around “Stage Battles,” which seems to work like a severely dumbed-down RTS.

Although it did a better job at a micromanagement system than Halo Wars did, it kind of failed due to not implying which unit was for killing which. My main strategy involved “Spamming the Razor Girls and Thunderhogs” (which won me battles so quickly that it was hilarious.)

But then in the Final Battle, (I think it was the Final Battle) I got dudes that are seemingly invincible.

I won’t spoil the plot, but the Final Battle involves me destroying two giant structures by weakening them first and then driving the Deuce through them.

I couldn’t get past one, though. Allow me to tell you of my escapades.

Okay, the main objective as far as I knew was to beat the Giant Monster. That involved killing two structures on the sides.

What do I have? The standard stuff, and my stage is at Level 1. Ergo, the only units I could make are the standard. So what do I do? I spam my usual stuff. Razor Girls and ThunderHogs.

I then rush all the Fan Geysers that are there. Three in all.

I get all three and start kicking ass.

Suddenly the enemy gets gargantuan units that slaughter my armies like flies.

What the hell?

Anyway, this happens after I get one of the enemy structures killed. Gargantuan douchebags that can kill both buildings, infantry, vehicles, AND take a crapload of hits. If that didn’t add insult to punishment, the enemy had units that could HEAL these fuckers!

Ten attempts, all with differing strategies from what I had, could get, and could buy time for. Nothing worked.

It made me wonder if this was a situation that Tim Schafer had to explain. Even though I checked out his explanation, I was STILL stumped. I mean… How the fuck am I supposed to beat this guy? What units am I supposed to use? None that I can get within the “time limit” I had would seem to work! Did I have to hold out with only one Merch Booth guarded and keep the other two guarded? Wait until I have a crapload of Fans to spend? Because that kind of strategy is not only cheap, but it was also not the wisest thing to do from the LAST BATTLE.

Wait, check that: The battle BEFORE the last battle. The second-last battle was piss-easy, it wasn’t even funny.

In fact, I doubt that was even the Last Battle. The game seemed far too short for it to be a Last Battle.

Well, it’s a certain battle that’s frickin’ annoying, which seemed to contrast heavily against how ultimately fun the game really is.

Don’t get me wrong. Tim Schafer didn’t disappoint. I just wished it was more like what I thought it would be: Legend of Zelda with Heavy Metal.

It ultimately wasn’t. It’s still worth a play.

-HolyJunkie.

You know what I’ve always hated about drug-based plots? How said drug-based plot drugs turn out to be ridiculously expensive.

Take Push for example. It’s ultimately about a number of factions going after a drug worth billions of dollars.

… First off, how the hell is a drug sample worth a billion dollars? I mean, what does it do? Is it some pharmaceutical? Is it some super-hallucinogen?

The only reason I’d consider it worth billions is if it was like a permanent elixir… which would be just plain stupid.

I mean, a drug can be reproduced. Easily, even. I’ve seen pictures of people making has BY HAND using makeshift tools that would make the Stone Age look like a Sci-Fi setting. Even pictures of Crystal Meth being produced using urinals in abandoned bathrooms.

Seriously, druggies. Why the fuck do you think those places are good places to create things you INGEST?

Drug-based plots are retarded.

But anyway, a drug can be reproduced. Otherwise it isn’t a drug. Why is there ONLY one sample? Why is it THE TARGET OF ALL POWER-HOLDING PARTIES?

Although despite that, Push has a different way of taking the drug-based plot to a more different level. On an originality perspective, it’s actually pretty kick-ass.

And it would seem solid… in theory…

But enough on my opinion on drug-based plots. Lets get Pushin’…

—

Okay, chances are, I’m going to correct myself on some points said earlier as I re-watch this film for reviewing purposes. I couldn’t help but notice that they never give us any reason as to why the hell “World Governments” are making “Psychic Weapons” out of those born with psychic abilities.

Seriously, why? There’s no Cold War going on, is there? There’s no War on Terror going on, is there? Is this like some kind of Global Cold War that involves everyone, where instead of Nukes, the arms race focuses on “Special People?”

A nuke could obliterate psychic douches, and everything around them.

Almost immediately after listening to the introductory monologue by one of the main characters, I was already questioning the plot, when I remembered that “I’m supposed to review the movie on its own merits.

But personally, the plot already seems punctured with holes, considering that it’s trying to take an “Alternate History” approach… and not answering “why”

Why are people so strangely focused on psychic abilities? Why are they using drugs that are apparently supposed to “amplify abilities?”

Better yet, why do they keep using it, even though as it says: “Nobody whom has taken this drug has ever survived”

But then again, that kind of helps to add dramatic effect to the plot- which is centered around the “Only One who Survives.” I shall call this character Potterton.

Potterton, whom is a “Pusher” (Psychic with the ability to control/manipulate memories and human mind in general.) drops a marble for some odd reason, gets injected, dies, comes back to life with amnesia, and gets the fuck out of the facility. The marble blocked a security door, allowing Potterton to escape. Lucky bitch, eh?

Sure it’s cool and stuff, but it was kind of killed from the voice-based acting on regard of the Badass Black Guy- the first Badass Black Guy whose acting actually turned me off. Wait, who was this guy again? Let me check.

Djimon Hounsou, eh? He was good in other movies. Why did he do not-as-well in this one? Whatever.

Anyway, Two Days from now… wait, what? Whatever. It shows a ceiling fan and a large wall mural with horses galloping through an ugly cyan swamp with nice grass effects. I could easily see that it was made using the “Grass Brush” in Photoshop, followed by odd-looking horses with an unnecessary amount of radial-gradient-laden polygons.

Suddenly we’re now looking at the real hero of the story. He’s apparently a “Mover” which is basically a Psychokinesis-user… And he has dice… and marbles?

This guy lives in China, despite being a white guy. While it’s believable, it’s kind of ruined through the music choice. It’s fitting, but-

Wait… didn’t he win? Why’s he being chased?

What was the point of that sequence? We already knew he was a pusher from his earlier dice-rolling practice…

Wait, now he’s chased by other guys? Wait, why are they sniffing everything?

… This is reminding me of Left 4 Dead, except with Psychics and no mass slaughters of gleeful red mist.

By the way, I wrote this part while watching. I’ll watch through the rest and then finish the review from here.

—

Action scenes also leave a lot in question. In the chase scenes, they’re being attacked by guys who scream so loud that everything breaks. I thought they were supposed to be inconspicuous? And where did everyone go?

Oh yeah, people who see the Future on a whim are full of shit. It ruins the story, in my opinion. Sure it adds suspense, but if the enemy has future-watchers who can see way better than the good guy future watchers, then you’re going to fucking lose, no matter what.

Of course, considering the fact that the Good Guys started off with the greatest future watcher fucking ever, then the enemy is going to lose no matter what, because the Good Guy Future Watcher of Awesome will know absolutely everything and know that everything will happen in a series of events.

I’ll also need to point out that the Good Guys are the only white people in China, apparently. All the obvious bad guys are also white. What the fuck is with people not noticing?

Actually, I’ll write my thoughts as I watch it.

—

I wish the music choice had better taste…

—

Bad guys are obviously bad guys. Same with good guys obviously being good guys. Characterization is actually pretty solid.

—

A fourteen-year-old girl at a whore-house. Is that legal? Why’d she order a martini?

—

Upside-down frame, much? Oh, there we go.

—

Motorboats!

—

I’M ON A BOAT!

—

Bow chika bow wow.

—

Wait, that’s a good guy?

—

Why’s she waiting there?

—

Where are the boats?

—

RVs.

—

I’m suddenly craving noodles.

—

Mind-controlling an innocent couple, then leaving them to rot?

—

What the fuck? She knows him?

—

I’ve got no idea what’s happening now… Oh wait, her name is “Kira.” Very original.

—

STOP REMINDING US!

—

Okay, is it a bad thing if the fourteen-year-old is a more effective sex appeal than the Main Dude’s girlfriend?

—

… That was schizophrenic… I mean, why draw dead bodies, period? X’es for eyes, tongues hanging out. IRS symbols. I draw them in my spare time you crazy girl.

—

Nice Stache… Wait, who the hell is that?

—

Wait, I thought she bailed!

—

Pinky… Oh goddamnit… Why?

—

Why are all these abilities so plot-importance-convenient?

—

TEN GRAND A DAY?!

—

Why is the door left open a crack?

—

Asshole…

—

Damnit, soundtrack…

—

What the hell is the girl doing?

—

This is totally bonding.

—

On fire?

—

Wait, she likes him suddenly? After shooting at him!?

—

… Rivalry much?

—

Okay, she’s buzzed… at thirteen. I told you she was a better sex appeal!

—

Wait, Pinky’s being ditched now. He’ll no longer be part of the plot.

—

Hangover… Wait, nevermind. It was a vision.

—

All your fault, eh? Sounds like a trope.

—

HELL YES, MATE!

—

Cameos are damn obvious here…

—

Tallest guy in China, much?

—

I wish the action scene would hurry the fuck up.

—

Wait, how’d he get a second pistol?

—

Oh hai.

—

FUCKING SHOOT HIM, DAMNIT!

—

Oh sure, make the “Nobody haz the elixir but me” trope. JUST SHOOT HIM!

—

Okay, he failed, now he’s shooting and everyone’s shooting, and we all go down “Conspicuous Lane” here.

I should also add that while the Good Guy has grim accuracy, his main target can block bullets.

Meanwhile, the guy who block bullets can’t aim worth a shit.

—

What was the point of that scene?

—

Kick his ass, damnit! … Oh wait, he didn’t.

—

Fourteen-year-old saying “Shit”

Correction: She’s THIRTEEN.

—

Damnit, soundtrack…

—

Ding dong, the witch is dead.

—

NECROPHILIA! Wait, she’s not dead.

—

Oh course she ain’t alright!

—

Random “Beyond average” abilities, much? “Shading” entire buildings?

—

WTF?

—

Wait, how do you know that?

—

Okay, now I’m at the part I first started at. I missed very little…

—

She looks like shit.

—

Okay… so what was achieved? Letters? plans and stuff? It’s starting to sound like the Main dude- a Mover- is a better Watcher than anybody these days…

—

Fail fail fail fail fail fail fail fail FRICKIN’ FAIL!

—

… “You sure this’ll work?” “No.”

—

Hold on… they just gave the girl to the bad guys?

—

Other bad guys are preparing to kick ass n shit! IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME! IT’S GONNA BE THE BEST SHOOTOUT IN HISTORY! MAN, I’M SO PUMPED!

—

Tension…!

—

Wait… what’s happening?

—

FUCK! No action anymore!

COME ON!!!

Nevermind. Satisfying bitch-slap.

—

Okay, now for something else to happen.

—

Half-Life 2-sounding soundtrack…

—

Tall building that looks like crap…

—

Bamboo!

—

This looks weird…

—

I forget if this guy was a good guy or bad guy…

—

Who was that?

—

I can easily tell where this is going…

—

Pointless scene, involving guns…

—

Boats… more boats…

—

Good guy SURVIVES! AS USUAL!

Red paper… Very inconspicuous.

—

Wait, the plan unfolds. Shit gets real.

—

And… now… nothing’s happening anymore… and the bad guys still have the advantage… kinda…

—

This is starting to become a little painful to watch…

—

Good lord, how many pages does that sketchbook have? No matter how many pages are ripped, the book still looks full…

—

I need to ask, why is she the only one who keeps a uniform throughout the entire movie. Everyone else changes their clothes once in a while. That’s not that hygienic…

—

Come on, throw her off. Throw her off. Throw her off.

—

Painful to watch, but at least it’s but better potential than Jumper…

—

Stop using shots typically used for Horror movies. Please? We knew there was someone else there when she was going to the upstairs of a restaurant.

Speaking of which, why did the Chinese people in that restaurant allow the girl to freeload into their storage lockers?

—

A deal, eh? Sounds fishy… Very fishy.

—

Warning: Bullshit meter off the scale.

Excuse me, I need some Pop Tarts.

—

Everyone’s got either no characterization, or too little characterization to make a label. I would say that’s a good thing… Well, it’s better than stereotypes, or needless character development.

—

Okay, that guy can lift cars and shit. Why did he punch the bumper of one for no reason?

—

Ominous…

—

No keys required.

—

Goons. Batteries not included.

—

Why is it that the only one who actually does any kind of ass-kicking have absolutely no name?

—

Damn, convenient much?

—

Pointless camera angles…

—

Crap music that’s better off for a car chase than anything.

—

Okay, Bamboo does NOT snap that easily!

—

Fisticuffs? They’re Psychokinetics!  What are they throwing fists at each other for?

—

I can easily tell that the special effects are to make ultimately not-so-good punches look like they have power.

—

Where’d that guy come from!?

WHERE’D THAT GUY COME FROM!?

WHERE DID ALL THAT BAMBOO COME FROM!?

—

Okay, he’s lost.

—

Okay, I guess he really isn’t.

—

Okay, I guess he is.

—

Oh wait, he isn’t.

How the hell did he escape a Pusher’s power?

—

Okay, that dude’s dead now.

—

Or maybe he isn’t.

Wait, he is.

NO HE ISN’T!

—

HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET THERE?!

—

Burn, bitch. Good Guys win, as usual.

—

Wait, he survived, eh?

Okay, shouldn’t that kill him anyway? That’s gross, I admit, but shouldn’t it kill him anyway? Or was injecting oneself with soy sauce more like non-suicide?

—

Good ending. Really, it’s a damn good ending.

But the story potential was not used at a good degree. It was lacking in good usage, but very plentiful of crappy usage.

No offense.

-HolyJunkie.