No dark sarcasm in the classroom…

Well, five days. Today’s my best friend’s birthday. (gonna call him “M”) Five days later is my own. I started thinking of looking for a Military supply surplus store. Soon found one later this evening.

Morning: Woke up later than usual.

First Period: Continued filming stuff. Soon figured out that this film project is going to suck.

Second Period: More talk about Post-WW1. Designed more weapons for Project Gamma

Lunch: Ate lunch. I’m now craving freedom from the school.

Truth be told, the place was amazing. High school was amazing. However, I made the grave mistake of ending up mingling with people a grade higher than myself.

As a result, I ended up with very few and far-between friends. Of them all, most (if not all) are starting to go their separate ways.

As a result, I have decided to go my own path. It’s easy for them to just drop me, so might as well go with “Eye for an Eye.”

Not like anyone’s really going to care when it all comes down to it.

Third Period:  Started watching a film called “Charlie Wilson’s War”. I drew some other random drawing.

After School: Went straight home. Took note of two guys in suits walking around like some kind of CIA Agents. Took no attention towards or from them. Never cared anyway.

After doing stuff that was ultimately NOT writing stuff that I wanted to write, I went to Kung Fu. Got beaten up again.

Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stra- Stronger.

Afterwards, I started planning on how to make my graphic novel throughout the next year. It shall be awesome.

-HolyJunkie.

Review: Naruto

Naruto: Repetitive formula, topped with “Ninjas with magic.”

—

Some may be calling me out on reviewing Manga again, but truth be told, the art style is actually interesting. That’s mainly because I can’t draw it worth a crap.

The style in Naruto is slightly different from what I’ve grown accustomed to, but it’s a good, unique style. Anyway, on to the plot.

… It’s fucking huge, let me tell you. It centrals around the title character Naruto and how he develops as a ninja.

Truth be told, I’d rather trust a Shaolin Monk to get something done than a true-blue ninja of today’s era. First off, they’re actually real. Secondly, they usually shave their heads and as a result, are usually bald or have wicked-short hair- which boosts their bad-ass factor by an easy 100%. Thirdly, the styles they learn, including Wing Chun, are just simply awesome.

Anyway, we’re talking about the manga. It stars well-developed characters… some more than others… and basically tells an ongoing story that’s basically centered around “trying to figure out what a real “ninja way” really is.” Although it’s actually fun to learn about these different ways of thinking, it starts to get old when the formula the manga continuously follows is “Calm thing happens, shit hits fan, Naruto changes bad guys to have more morality in their way of thinking, All bad guys get their asses kicked, Shit gets cleaned up from the fan-blades and everywhere it went, dudes go home, dudes train, dudes do it all again. Repeat a number of times, then skip 2.5 years, give everyone a new look… then do it all over again.

One of the only reasons why I really can’t help but respect it is the fact that it’s STILL ongoing, despite having… I don’t know HOW many issues released. I lost count on how many crappy VIDEO GAMES there are actually out there… Oh yeah, the style is something to respect as well.

To be honest, some of the enemies are epitome of bad-ass, and they end up becoming whiny good guys who die. Then we’ve got guys who are just utterly ridiculous. Not naming any characters here (Can’t, actually. I can’t spell Japanese names worth a crap, except for Shigeru Miyamoto… for obvious reasons.)

If you’ve got an interest in ninjas, read this manga. I would find it more interesting if I were actually a fan on ninjas instead of Shaolin monks.

If you’ve got an interest in huge on-going series that will have you waste entire weeks trying to read the beginning to end? Go ahead and read it.

If you have an interest in looking at possibly millions of drawings of millions of things, and studying the detail… well, Go ahead and read it.

If you’ve got none of the above interests, and seriously have nothing better to do… Just bloody read it. The hard work of the dudes and dudettes who write it deserve that much.

-HolyJunkie.

TL;DR: I rather liked it, for varying reasons that do not include the “OMG I’m a Japanese Cartoon fanatic LOL.”

We don’t need no thought control…

Morning: I trained.

First Period: I filmed… or tried to. I personally wish my team managed to go faster in determining plans.

Second Period: I drew stuff, while listening to a review lecture on how the Peace Treaties that ended World War 1 also caused World War 2.

Lunch: Ate lunch, got seriously bored of the sirty jokes and otherwise boring talk of stuff that I didn’t understand. I sometimes wished that I could just have a camera with me… Or at least be able to make a movie in general.

To be honest, I wish I had a way for my skills to go appreciated. It usually never ends that well. I’m either completely useless to a team project, or whatever I do, everyone else denies over stupider ideas.

It discourages me, to say the least.

Doesn’t really help when friends seem to be more interested in other things. Makes me wish that I had a friend who would be there for me. Yes, that kind of friend. Shut up.

Third Period: Read A Thousand Splendid Suns… a third time. I wished we could finish up this novel. To be honest, the author’s really damn good. He makes interesting characters with incredible depth, yet he’s only written TWO books. Stephanie Meyer’s written… what, five? coming towards six? And she “can’t write worth a darn.” (hail Stephen King!)

This guy’s done things right, and didn’t do much at all wrong. He doesn’t need a huge thesaurus to try to make the story interesting. In fact, a good number of words used in the story were not big words put there for the sake of big words. Some actually needed me to look up, while with Stephenie Meyer, all I would need to do is make assumptions on what the words mean, and most likely be right.

Stories are supposed to be interesting, in my opinion.

After School: Went home, and noticed a woman on the bus with nicely-done hair. Never really cared about things like that, but it’s something to fill into this space.

Also learned that Swine Flu cases have shown themselves in Alberta. So far, only two. They’re most likely quarantined.

Meanwhile, I hope to get myself a gas mask. It’s not out of paranoia. Gas masks are bad-ass to have, and you will never know when you need one.

Anyway, I’ll go back to doing stuff while listening to Pink Floyd; a band that’s got far better skill and lyrics than most mainstream these days. Sure they’re old, and no one seems to know about them anymore, but they’re simply soothing. I could go to sleep in their loudest music.

I like Progressive gold, not repetitive crap.

-HolyJunkie.

We don’t need no education…

Forgot to write this post yesterday. Good thing I can set release days.

I played Diablo 2, and I also got to work on a storyboard for a short film. I rather like how it turned out. If only the others in my group realised my genius.

-HolyJunkie.

Okay, here’s the current lowdown…

I’ve got nothing to write about these current passing days. So I took the liberty to fill in the “Empty Spaces” by writing the reviews I planned to write.

… Yeah.

-HolyJunkie.

PS. DISCLAIMER: That guy on the side of the header beside Jakob is not me. It’s a meme that’s actually funny that’s starting to spread. Namely the face itself.

Seriously, it’s priceless. I love it.

Review: A Thousand Splendid Suns

This is a book written by the same guy who wrote “The Kite Runner”.

For those wondering, it’s Khaled Hosseini. From what I’ve heard and seen and read, he’s mainly writing books based in the Middle East, when crap goes down and the worst-case scenario doesn’t look so bad.

Of course, it can’t really be as bad as the stuff in Africa that we probably don’t even know about yet… or stuff the KKK has done… or… um…

Actually, maybe it is as bad as it seems. Since reading this book, I never really know which foreign slaughter and war actually seems the worst. In my opinion, war is only good when it does not involve actual death.

In such cases, I refer to video games being a much cheaper way of showing who’s the better in terms of military might.

Seriously, invent Virtual Reality and set up a secure system somewhere in the UN or someplace. If you want to fight a war, go with a squad-based team game. Hire your best gamers… or motion capture guys… or just fighters anyway… and have them fight it out in VR. Nobody dies, wars settle more quickly, and it’s actually more enjoyable. We can then concentrate funding on more important matters: Like getting us onto another bloody planet!

Right. There’s one half of my usual “Review / Opinions” posts, here’s the review.

A Thousand Splendid Suns looks through the eyes of two characters who have both been raised differently and experienced differently. The first one, older than the latter by nineteen years, and the younger… well, nineteen years younger than the first. Their names are Mariam and Laila respectively.

Truth be told, I never thought suck cool names could exist. Makes me want to look into their culture some more. After all: tolerance and understanding only comes out of doing your research and seeing the beauty under what’s discovered. One of the first things that became obvious was the fact that Khaled very often wrote native names, and showing what they meant soon after.

Mariam is what is described as a “harami”, which is more or less, a bastard (illegitimate child) and lives in a crappy kolba (I think that’s some kind of slum house) in the middle of seemingly nowhere. She is raised in two different ways by her mother (tough, mean, but deep-down truthful) and her father (shallow, nice, kind).

Later on, she gets married and moves to Kabul from Herat (I’m not sure if Herat is a real town. I know Kabul is.) And at the age of nineteen, on the night of… well, everything starting to hit the fan, Laila was born.

Now Laila. She’s raised nicely, not a “harami”, and makes friends. She lives out a nice life with her mother and father (even though her mother goes on a bout of depression after hearing that her sons died in the war) She lives in good happiness under the Soviets (IMO, their “equal citizenship” had to be one of the few things the Soviets did right.) and then it all hits the deck when the Soviets are driven out, and civil war breaks out.

Then the Taliban comes in and stuff.

It’s based on the thirty-odd years where Afphganistan plunges into civil war and everything that’s not good at all. Shows in pretty good detail how women and men alike had to suffer through it all.

The characters had depth, and they were developed incredibly nicely. There were plot twists that were there that seldom even came as a surprise to me. That may sound like a bad thing, but this is in the middle of destruction and war. Anything could happen. I respected that fact, and found everything that happened within the destruction to be worth knowing and original.

He wrote it in a splendid way that allowed me to almost literally feel like I was there. Descriptions were short, sweet, and told everything that was needed.

To be honest, I rather like this author. Recommendations for the win.

-HolyJunkie.

Review: Ip Man

When I joined Kung Fu, one of the most noticable things in the classroom was not the three wooden dummies set all along a wall, nor was it the rack of training weapons, or the mirrors on one side, or the punching bags strewn around or the bulliten boards.

It was a series of pictures showing people our Sifu has met, two pictures of Bruce Lee, and in the center, a picture of the Grand Master himself: Yip Man. Of course, his name can be spelled “Yip” or “Ip”. But in the case of this movie… well, it’s rather obvious by the title of this review.

Donnie Yen takes on the role of Grand Master Ip Man, whom in reality, has passed on for quite some time.

For those who don’t know who Ip Man is, he is the man who brought the Wing Chun style of kung fu to the world. His disciples have reached over two million, including Bruce Lee himself. Currently, there are over 4 million disciples of the system… and I’m training as one of them.

The movie itself basically tells stories about Ip Man’s life. Some more true than others, and some made for dramatic effect. It all fit together nicely, though I’m not quite sure how accurate the story shown throughout ultimately is.

The most accurate part about it all was how Ip Man was portrayed. He was a scholar, a gentleman, and a great man, and he had the ability to kick ass out of just about anyone, including Chuck Norris.

In fact, I have even decided that Chuck Norris stands absolutely no chance against Ip Man if they were to fight today… and also if Ip Man was alive today.

If I were to have a lifetime goal, it would be to visit Ip Man’s grave, just to see it.

Right. I’ll get to the review.

I personally will prefer this movie over any martial arts… or action film in general made in Hollywood. Despite running at… I think it was 107 minutes… Anyway, despite running at 107 minutes, it has a good number of satisfying action scenes and every other scene in between just fits, and isn’t over-the-top or utterly pointless. There’s no stupid romance subplot, since Ip Man has already been married throughout the movie. It takes on the theme of path-choosing, benevolence and what martial arts is really all about, and respect for others. Nothing is wasted.

Ip Man has taken my #2 spot for “Best movie ever”. Wall-E still stands tall with its incredible animation quality, the most original story I’ve ever seen, and its emphasis on sound and visual, instead of dialogue.

Ip Man, however, specialises in everyday themes, and really funking awesome action sequences. Sammo Hung choreographed the fight scenes, and he is awesome at that.

On another note, the person who did the soundtrack for Ip Man is also the same person who did the soundtracks for a good number of movies and anime, including Ghost in the Shell, Death Note, among others (can’t think them up on the top of my head.)

My point is: she makes good stuff.

You can watch the fight scenes on Youtube, unless they, for some reason, deleted them like the fascists that they seemed to have proved themselves to be. Otherwise, I believe they’re out in North America.

Just so you know, I would prefer watching the Chinese version. English dubs will always suck in my opinion.

For those who say “TL;DR”, let’s just say that Ip Man is now my #2 movie of all time. Watchmen makes #3, and Wall-E still has #1.

Really worth watching, especially the action scenes.

-HolyJunkie.

Review: The Metroid Prime series

Metroid Prime 1, 2, 3, and Hunters. They’re video games all by Retro Studios. All of them are actually loads of fun.

—

Metroid Prime 1, the first in the series. It basically runs by the original, typical Metroid formula. Throw Samus down with only a bit of plot detail (in this case, Samus goes to investigate a distress signal from an all-but-busted vessel.)

The vessel turned out to be inhabitated by violent Pirate survivors. Samus rolls in to try to quell the source of the madness, kills stuff, then gets hit with an electrical blast so powerful that it knocks out all of her suit upgrades…

… I’ll say it again, “KNOCKS OUT ALL OF HER SUIT UPGRADES!”

That’s exactly right. You’re once again going on a quest to obtain all of your upgrades again, and kill shit again. Except this time, it’s in 3D, and features a good load of backstory-building lore and creature information.

Certainly better than looking in every nook and cranny for every missile tank and energy tank… in my opinion anyway.

My biggest complaint about Metroid Prime 1 was that it tended to keep the plot literally on the sidelines. Most of the time I had absolutely no information, and usually ran around for hours and then I suddenly get information on the location on what will obviously be an upgrade. Never anything plot-related. Just something to improve my combat capabilities.

… Then again, I really shouldn’t complain. I do complain when it’s something like a new visor that you will almost never use until the Boss Fights that actually need them. I would rather have had fifty more beams.

Ah well. What can you do?

What I especially like about MP1 was its boss fights. They were usually the best ones I’ve ever fought. They could kick your ass pretty easily, but you can also kick their asses pretty easily. It’s all about managing to dodge attacks like you’re SUPPOSED TO.

Out of all three, this one would be my second-favorite.

—

Metroid Prime 2, given the subtitle “Echoes” (which I don’t get, but sort of hope is a bad-ass reference to Pink Floyd’s “Best of” album). This one has an actually more engrossing plot. Samus is sent to investigate the disappearence of a Galactic Federation ship, which is on an apparently horribly unstable planet called Aether.

It is soon discovered that the planet itself is a war zone, and is comprised of two different dimensions. Of course, you can easily tell that this is just another “Dual-Worlds” conflict, where one is Light and Pure, while the other is Dark and Evil and shit.

The Evil guys are called the Ing… Seriously. The Good guys are called the Luminoth… Again, seriously. The Luminoth have put up an incredible fight, but are currently on the losing side. All survivors, save for one, were places under a safe stasis, under watch by the last dude… whose name I forget.

Anyway, you’re suddenly pulled into a one-man hot bounty hunter chick war against a massive army of Darkness. Although overused, the plot itself is once again put on the sidelines, and lets gameplay and the typical system roll- and that’s what I like about Metroid.

The beams you get also have an ammunition system. I never really liked the ammo system for the beams, but it’s all made up for by the fact that you can get ammunition-boosting tanks, which can land you with enough shots to slaughter most things effortlessly.

The bosses, once again, are very nicely-built. You know a boss is good when you only nearly beat it the first time, and then manage to swamp them the second time. It’s not as fun if you win at the first try, and it’s also no good if you’re given no information to beat it, and end up trying more than five times.

Retro Studios found an excellent balance for it. Even if the bosses were too tough for me to beat up to four times, I let that kind of stuff go because my death was ultimately my fault and not the fault of the creators. (such as not dodging in time, or wasting my missiles and ammo when I shouldn’t have, or just not doing something that I should have, but failed to notice how obvious it was.)

One of my cases of losing to a boss multiple times was Emperor Ing, the Final douchebag (obviously, seeing as the final boss of the Ing would be their leader) who has multiple forms. Not as many as the feckin’ huge Quadwalker boss (which was, byfar, the most awesome, bad-ass boss I have ever fought in gaming history.)

Out of all of the games in this series, this one was byfar, my favorite. It had its times where I was pumped, and the adrenaline was rushing, out of the fact that I had low health. And I had to run through areas where I would die from exposure to darkness, and had to build safe points by shooting crystals with the Light Beam. The safezones themselves are temporary, but I can keep them up for as long as I wished.

Another thing I liked about said crystals was that when I stayed within the light, I healed health. Slowly, but still healing. I couldn’t count the number of times that I loved that.

It’s well-written as well.

—

Metroid Prime Hunters, which is built fo use the touch screen gimmick for the Nintendo DS… was a bit of a disappointment, in my opinion. Sure it does really well in terms of the campaign missions and stuff, as well as its multiplayer… but to be honest, the enemies suck tremendous dick, and I can beat them quite easily. The only interesting enemies are the other Hunters, whom you’re competing against to find some “Ultimate Power” that’s hidden in a four-planet system (which you can travel between)

My biggest disappointment were the bosses. They were literally Cut-N-PasteWithPowerUps. You either fought a pillar that was armed with lasers and an unecessarily slow missile launcher, or you fought an eyeball that worked like a shielded turret that detatched and flew around when the shield was down.

Although I liked fighting the bosses, I wished that in this case, Retro would actually keep that original spark they had when they made Metroid Prime 1 and 2.

The upgrades are not even that much either. Just ammunition, missile, and energy tank upgrades. There’s literally nothing else to get apart from the different weapons that you can get. Sure you get a wicked nice arsenal, but they all use ammo from the same system, but use differing cells of ammo. It tends to get a little tedious when the only weapons you will ever use are the Sniper Rifle thing and the yellow electro-bolt beam of death.

Also, don’t get me started on the aftermath of beating the regular bosses. You’re forced to make like the Shepard and get the flock out of there, and nothing ever really happens once you escape and then return. No huge explosion. No activation of Sentinels that rape everything. Nothing happens. It’s just a timer that you can easily beat by taking the exact same road you took all the way back to your ship.

The things about Metroid Prime I liked are in this installment, but are just not as grand as I would have expected. They probably spent a good load of time on the Multiplayer Mode, which has a good load of bug problems that don’t seem to be fixable.

The DS is a decent hand-held console. I just wish that Nintendo these days go back to the standard controllers we all know and love.

Otherwise, the game was… sort of enjoyable.

—

Metroid Prime 3, duely named “Corruption”. It takes on the whole concept of Phazon in detail. While Metroid Prime has it as an interesting plot device for the chaos happening on the planet Tallon IV, and Metroid Prime 2 basically has the whole Phazon thing as some form of helping to boost the difficulty of the Ing by making them Phazon-charged critters, Corruption just takes the whole concept of Phazon and loads it into the plot by the Bobcat shovel. Not spades, huge shovels. They dump Phazon into the plot instead of subtly talking about it.

That’s fine, in a way. It’s the final game in the Prime series, and it would help to discuss Phazon in more detail… I just wish that Phazon wasn’t really the most advanced and powerful material in the whole bloody universe. I also already knew all I needed once I saw all that it’s been used for since the first game.

Oh, speaking of which, Metroid Prime Hunters literally contains NO mention of Phazon whatsoever, despite it being the staple plot device for the Prime series altogether.

Anyway, Samus is called to a Galactic Federation ship, along with three other Hunters, to help the GF take on the Space Pirates, who have gotten more powerful thanks to the power Phazon gives. All four are encountered by Dark Samus (first introduced in Metroid Prime 2… forgot to mention that. You can tell just what Dark Samus is going to be, eh?) and get their asses handed to them in the form of a concentrated phazon blast. All four undergo GF medical attention, and all four have discovered that they were, in a way, “amplified” and “juiced-up” by the Phazon to be more powerful. With this new power, the four of them move out to kill the shit out of the Pirates and Dark Samus.

The bosses are back to their old selves. The formula returned with them, excepy they’re more pushovers than anything. Maybe it’s because I’m ridiculously good at the Wii controls

It was otherwise not my favorite. Third-favorite, though. Out of the four, that’s saying a lot. Retro finished it with an awesome finale, but I hoped for a little more difficulty.

-HolyJunkie.

Review: Iron Man

First movie that’s made by Marvel’s official movie-making studio. That’s right: every Marvel comic-based movie was not exactly made by Marvel. But now it shall be so.

I would be cheering inside and outside, but the thing is: I grew up with lego for the vast majority of my pre-gaming childhood… not comics.

However, of all of the Marvel characters I have seen, Iron Man has to be one of my favorites. One reason is because he’s like a robot. If you should know only one thing about me, it’s that I have a near-disturbing fetish for robots. I would not shag one just for the sake of shagging one, though. I find them utterly fascinating.

Anyway, this is a review about the Marvel character Iron Man, and not about my fetish for mechanical ass-kicking machines.

Iron Man is about a weapons company CEO named Tony Stark who gets caught up in the Cold War and ends up getting captured…

Wait, let me correct myself: Iron Man is about a weapons company CEO named Tony Stark who gets caught up in the Afphgan War and ends up gettinc captured. Tony Stark is the epitome of an egotistical smart-ass who’s ultimately ill-suited for actually pleasent teamwork stuff.

However, to make up for his shitty attitude, he’s an expert in making wicked-awesome shit with next to nothing. Case and point: a suit of super-power armor that can block .50 cal rounds without so much as a dent or even a scratch. He breaks free using the suit, and starts to mod it. From there, there’s next to no plot until Tony Stark’s “Best Friend” Major Dickface Ob… idieeeee…. uuu… AAh Stane… How the hell do I pronounce that name, seriously? I’ll just stick with Major Dickface after all.

Anyway, Dickface the Major does under-the-table dealings. If you’ve read the comics, you’ll know that MaDickJor is Iron Monger. I did my research using a totally reliable source to learn about this stuff.

Truth be told, it actually seemed pretty accurate. What with the whole “being captured by the enemy of the Americans” stuff… Buuuut… that’s about all I even recall as accurate.

The development of the Iron Man suit, be it the majeshift pile of crap, all the way to the Red-n’-Gold bad-ass epitome, was actually quite entertaining, and humorous at times.

It’s probably because Robert Downey Jr… whom I’ve never really heard of until now (never was good with names. Sometimes I wish I could forget names of celebrities who are honestly better off on the Moon, witnessing and/or experiencing asphyxiation, like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Stephenie Meyer, or anyone who’s basically not an actor, yet gets more prestige, money, attention and shit than those who actually DID earn a living trying to appeal on the Silver Screen.)

BAH! RIGHT! DIGRESSION. Anyway, Robert Downey Jr. did a pretty excellent portrayal of Tony Stark. In a way, his acting, combined with the efforts of… The person who played Pepper Potts (speaking of… What the hell kind of name is that anyway?) makes the movie pretty much worth watching.

I would have preferred more action than the one scene where Stark in the fully-built supersuit fly into some Middle-Eastern village and utterly devestate… what, four infantry, throw out a disarmed leader for the innocents to “have at”, blow up a tank, blow up a missile silo, and then get chased by two jets and save the pilot of one.

… That’s all there is in terms of action scenes, apart from the final fight scenes, which are pretty one-sided until they pull off a “Here’s something you’ve seen nearly an hour ago in a different scene.” In that case, it was the whole “fly to space” thing.

If you’ve yet to see it before, wait until after the credits. It’s not because Black Sabbath’s Iron Man is the most awesome song in the world. There’s something more at the end.

I liked it, but if you’re not a fan of watching stuff that’s obviously made primarily for fan-service and money, I’ll understand if you don’t want to see it.

Personally, I can’t really care about what happens with this new Marvel Studios thing.

-HolyJunkie.

Review: Paris Je T’aime

Thirteen or so directors got together and made a compilation of short films all using chosen areas all around Paris, and made random stories. You can find the individual shorts on Youtube.

Be “warned”: the films are short, so they may not seem to be satisfying enough for the tastes of those who watch the typical Hollywood crap these days.

I can’t exactly remember every single one of them, so I’ll try to recall all I can and talk about them.

—

What I can say is that the stories vary by the different styles of the Directors. There was this one with Ellijah Wood (who played Frodo, for those wondering) who stars as a backpacking traveller who got lost somewhere in Paris in the middle of the night. He tries to find his way around and then suddenly steps in what has to be the boldest-colored bood I have ever seen.

In fact, the blood shown in that short shared more in common with maple syrup with nano-sized lights inside and with lots and LOTS of red food colouring.

Anyway, the backpacker comes across a vampiress, and long-story-short, the kid tries to run, but cracks his skull and nearly dies. The vampiress saves him and they have sex in the form of biting each other’s necks and feeding off of each other.

To be honest, I could not stomach the short. It’s usage of sound was just so realistic and sharp that it nearly made me throw up. I’ll have to hand it to the Canadian director who did that short, despite the fact that I despise vampires beyond all recognition. I will also have to hand it to her for actually “doing it right” in terms of vampire lore, unlike CETRAIN SUETHORS.

—

Another one I vividly remembered was this one by the same guy who directed Run Lola Run. It was about a blind university student who kicked off a relationship with an ameteur actress (who’s played by Natalie Portman)

Anyway, one day, he gets a phone call, and he hears his girlfriend make some kind of confession that the main character believes that she is leaving him. After hanging up, he starts to recollect the entire time they were together.

At the end of the well-put together flashback, he’s called again to reveal that his girlfriend was really practicing a sombre mood as a form of training. It was rather hilarious and touching at once. I like that director.

—

Another one I saw was there was an English customer with an interpreter visiting a print shop. One of the workers on his break is pulled into a more one-sided conversation with the interpreter, who believes that the worker-on-break may be his soul-mate.

The irony in it all was that the worker-on-break knew very little French, only managing to request a light for a cigarette. Ergo, he had no idea what the guy was talking about. It sort of cuts short when his boss suggests that the worker pay the interpreter a visit to find out what was going on.

—

Lets see… oh yeah. There was this one where a Nigerian man is found at this one place in Paris, bleeding to death from a knife wound. To his aid comes a paramedic, whom the man recognises.

A flash-back ensues while the man requests that he be brought two cups of coffee. One for himself and the other for the paramedic woman. The flashback shows how the man fell for the woman at first sight about a week before. He fails to score a date, and ends up getting distracted. He is soon fired and takes up playing the guitar on the street. He mistakes another woman for the one he saw before, but he ends up getting caught in a group of “dumb-ass gangstas”.

Well, you can imagine that when they start fucking with him, he’ll react not so nicely. They then stabbed him and stuff.

At the end, the coffee arrives seconds too late.

Definitely shows how life can seriously be fucking unfair, eh?

—

There was also one which will be pretty memorable. It’s about a kid who talks about how his parents met. It all started with a mime who attempts to find love. He mimes literally everything, from his cat to the milk… Lets just say that his entire house is just two pitch-white rooms with two boxes that serve as the bed and the table. It is also shown that the mime actually mimes his own car as well.

Anyway, on his bout to find companionship, he causes shit and gets thrown in jail. There, he meets a mime woman. They both go fucking crazy and freak out the prison staff AND the inmates. It was rather hilarious, seeing the duo just mime everything.

As a final note: the kid is the most pathetic-looking sorry sight I have ever seen, and it’s bloody hilarious.

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There was one where a man in his 50s goes to a strip joint and starts to watch a woman attempt to do stuff for him. Suddenly, his wife comes in and they both start arguing in front of the stripper. They both continue arguing all the way to the woman’s house.

In the end, it turns out that it was all done on purpose to spark off something interesting in their relationship. Pretty ingenious I might add.

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Another one has a man and his wife sort out a divorce, and ultimately end up stay together, and score two adopted people… I think. It was pretty weirded-out.

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There was one that was all filmed in one shot, where an older man and a younger woman were discussing a meeting in which a third person may not approve of. In the end, it turns out the older man is the woman’s father, who has a bit of an attitude and smoking problem, and the non-approving person is the woman’s baby. The father was to look after the baby while the woman goes out somewhere that I don’t remember.

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There was the one at the beginning, where a lone man, frustrated at how “shitty” the city is, and continuously complains on how the parking in some parts of Paris are “shitty”… No really, he does say “shitty” a lot in the beginning.

Anyway, he starts looking at passer-by women, determining which ones are taken or otherwise. Then one last woman comes along, but collapses. The man comes to her aid.

All I do remember in detail was that there was mention of carrots.

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There was one where a group of three kids – possibly high-schoolers – cooing after passerby women… Well, two of them are. The third one’s just hangin’. One woman in a… How’s it spelled… a hijab? Anyway, one passes by after getting coo’ed at, and accidentally trips. The third boy comes to her aid and attempts to help her.

They spark off a friendship and the woman tells the kid (and in a way, the audience) how humans are humans, no matter what gender… and all that stuff that SHOULD BE OBVIOUS, BUT IT SEEMS THAT A GOOD LOAD OF US DON’T REALISE, OR CARE, WHEN WE BLOODY SHOULD!

Anyway, at the end. The guy goes out to find her again, and meets her… I think it was her grandfather. Her grandfather approves, if you get what I mean.

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What else was there… Right, there was this one by this pair of Directors who specialise in “black humor”. There’s this tourist who’s waiting forever in the Paris Metro subway station thing. He gets caught up in something really terrible when he accidentally breaks the silent rule in the Metro that “one should never meet eye contact with a stranger”

I’m a bit of a fan of black humor, but this one had a more “extreme” sense of it, and therefore didn’t appeal to me as well.

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There was also one where a bad-ass bald dude in a suit attempts to sell beauty products to an asian hottie who runs a beauty parlor… and literally breaks down her own doors with her fists just for the lulz.

It was pretty lulzy.

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I don’t remember the rest, to be honest. Again, Youtube will most likely, hopefully have the individual ones. As for the ratings… It will take up to fifteen times longer than usual to rate each and every single one of them, so I’ll just end it off with the fact that the diversity of each and every one of the shorts makes for an interesting experience. Worth watching. Go watch it nao, you fools.

lololololololololoololololollololololol.

-HolyJunkie.